Time is up

all the true christians will soon be gone 

time is almost up!

satin will soon take over no one's thoughts

time is almost up!

jesus has chosen us to be the future leaders

time is almost up!

heaven above awaits us

time is almost up!

will your life have helped another in need or will it be a waste?

now u will never know cause TIME IS UP!!!!

i know my poem isnt as itrestin as jasmines but she got me in the mood to write a poem and this is wat came out!!! lol well im tired and i  still have to do mi home work well bye nighty nighty!!!!

((( Funny jokes to shoot the breeze)))
-Blonde Jokes-

How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)

How did the blonde die raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree!

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.
"Are their lights on?"
The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."

How do you know a blonde's having a bad day?
Her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Maybe someday we'll find Bigfoot.

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time.
''I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!''

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck. The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless.
''Where have you been?'' asked the man.
''I can't believe you left me down there! I couldn't get the tailgate open!''

How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
Blow in her ear

Q: A blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff. Who hit bottom first?
A: The brunette -- the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

What do blondes and doorknobs have in common?
Everyone gets a turn

Q: What's worse than a redhead and a brunette trying to build a house underwater?
A: A blonde trying to set fire to it

She is so blonde that when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from the Devil -- if they can stump him, they're free to go to heaven instead. The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question -- to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a book, and gives the answer. The mathematician tries as well -- but the Devil instantly gets the answer. When it comes to the blonde, she pulls up a chair and drills three holes in it. She then sits down in the chair and farts.
"Now," she says, "which hole did the fart come out of?"
"That's easy," says the Devil. "All of them."
"No, stupid! It came out of my butthole!"

-Bar Jokes-

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''
Confused, the bartender says no.
''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents."

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, “Geez that's a weird dog: he's stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn't have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.”
50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.
Another drinker says his pit bull will win but the bet is 100 bucks.
Another trip to the yard and when it's all over there are bits of pit-bull terrier all over the place. The drinker pays up and says, “Say what breed is that anyway?”
The owner says, “Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink it was the same breed as every other alligator.”

  
-Yo Mama And Daddy Jokes-

Yo' mama like a Big Mac -- full of fat and only worth a buck!

Yo' mama's lips so big, she can whisper in her own ear.

Yo mama's so dirty, plants grow off her ass.

Yo mama's so fat, even Richard Simmons laughs at her!
 
Yo mama is so dirty she has to creep up on the bathwater.

Yo daddy is so bald, when he wears a turtleneck he looks like a broken condom

Yo' mama so dumb, she waited at a STOP sign until it said GO!

Yo mama's so dumb, she stuck the phone up her ass and thought she was makin' a booty call.

Yo mama's so fat, when the cops see her on a street corner they yell, "Hey you guys, break it up!"

Yo mama is so bald I can see what she's thinking.

Yo' mama's breath is so nasty, when she burps her teeth have to duck.

You're so ugly, when yo' mama dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering!

-Others-

A visiting professor at the University of Montana is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”
About 90 students raise their hands.
“Well that's a good start,” says the professor, “Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?”
About 40 students raise their hands.
“That's really good,” continues the professor, “I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”
15 students raise their hands.
“That's a great response,” remarks the impressed professor, “has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”
Three students raise their hands.
“That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” asks the professor.
One student in the back raises his hand.
The professor is astonished.
He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”
The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor asks, “Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost.”
The student replies, “Ghost?!?” Dang, I thought you said ‘goats.’
 

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.
Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."
The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"
 
10 Ways to Annoy Cops 

1.Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going fast to keep up with me!"
2.When he approaches you, stare at his gut and say, "Hmmm. I thought cops had to be physically fit."
3.Sway and ask if his bulletproof vest protects him from projectile vomiting.
4.Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk.
5.Throw his nightstick and tell the police dog to fetch it.
6.Ask him if you can use his pepper spray to spice up your pizza.
7.Tell him you wanted to be a cop, but decided to graduate high school instead.
8.When he asks you to walk the line, "Riverdance" instead.
9.Instead of pleading the 5th amendment, plead the 13th or 16th.
10.When he asks for your license, say, "Oh sure, officer, can you hold me beer for a sec?"

So this guy is in Rhode Island hunting for geese. He catches one and puts it in his bag with the other geese. Just as he closes the bag, a Hunting Inspector walks up.
"Sir, can I please see that bag?" he asks. "Sure," says the hunter and hands the bag over.
The Inspector looks through the bag, pulls out one goose, and sticks his finger up its ass. He pulls it out, smells it and says, "This here's a Virginia goose, do you have a Virginia Hunting License?"
The hunter looks through his wallet and pulls out it and shows it to the inspector. The inspector nods and sticks his hand in the bag and pulls out another goose.
He sticks his finger up it's ass and says, "This here's a Maine goose, do you have a Maine Hunting License?"
The hunter looks again through his wallet, pulls out the card, and shows it to the inspector. He nods again, and pulls out the last goose. He does the routine and says, "This here is a Rhode Island goose, do you have a Rhode Island Hunting License?"
The hunter fishes through his wallet, shows the card to the inspector and puts it back in.
"Boy," you having all these licenses, where you from?" asks the Inspector.
The hunter pulls down his pants and asks, "Why don't you find out?"
 

 
 
A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes. The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level.
"Oh, no," the driver said. "I can't do that. If I do that, I'll have an asthma attack and die."
"OK," said the officer, "let's go down to the station and you can pee in a cup to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a diabetic and if I pee my blood sugar level will go down so low that I might die."
"Fine then. Let's go to the station and take a blood test to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a hemophiliac and I'll never stop bleeding if you draw my blood.
"All right then, just step outside your car and walk this white line for me."
"Oh, no, I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk." 
 
Hearts and roses and kisses galore...
What the hell is that schtuff for
People get mushy and start acting queer
It's definitely the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass.
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass.
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak
And wear all black for the rest of the week.
Guys act all sweet but soon it will fade…
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a bunch of $#!+.
So there's my story... what can I say…
Love bites ass... SCREW VALENTINE'S DAY!

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces.
They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.
The wife asked the man, "Do you live here?"
"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little bottle. I am so grateful!" he answered.
The wife asked, "Are you a genie?"
"Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, and the third I will keep for myself," the man replied.
The husband and wife agreed on two wishes - one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.
The genie nodded his head and said, "Done!"
The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire."
The husband and wife agreed.
After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?"
To which she responded, "Three years."
The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?"
To which she replied, "31 years old"
The genie then asked, "And how long has he believed in this genie crap?"
 
A man walked into an ice cream shop...
Man: I'd like some chocolate ice cream.
Scooper: I'm sorry sir, but we're out of chocolate. Would you like something else?
Man: Yes, I'd like some chocolate ice cream.
Scooper: I'm sorry, but we don't have that. Would you like to try a different flavor?
Man: Um... yes. I'd like some chocolate ice cream.
Scooper: We don't have that. How about a different kind of ice cream?
Man: I'll have some chocolate ice cream.
Scooper: Look, Mister, can you spell the “van” in vanilla?
Man: V-A-N.
Scooper: Can you spell the “straw” in strawberry?
Man: S-T-R-A-W.
Scooper: Can you spell the “fuck” in chocolate?
Man: But there is no “fuck” in chocolate!
Scooper: That's what I've been trying to tell you!

A girl was going on her first date and her grandmother gave her some advice:
“The boy may try to kiss you -- it will feel good, but don't do it. He may try to go up your skirt -- but don't let him. He may try to try to take your clothes off -- but don't do it. He may try to get on top of you -- but don't do it. If you do any of these things, you'll disgrace your family.”
The girl said she understood and went on her date.
The girl came home at about 11pm and her grandmother was waiting for her and said, “Well, did you disgrace the family.” “No,” said the girl, “Instead of letting him do those things to me, I did them to him and now it's his family that's disgraced!”
 
Three girls named Samantha, Janet and Rebecca were driving through the country, when all of a sudden their car stalls. Samantha remembers seeing a farm a little ways back, so her and Janet walk to the farm, leaving Rebecca guarding the car.
When Samantha and Janet get to the farm, they tell the farmer what happened. The farmer raises a gun to their head and tells them to get a fruit, vegetable, whatever, just get something from the garden. Samantha grabs a turnip, and Janet grabs a single grape. Just as they come back into the farmer's house, Rebecca walks in. He tells Rebecca to do the same as they just did, and Rebecca heads off towards the garden. While she's out in the garden, the farmer tells Samantha and Janet to shove whatever they have up their ass, and who ever laughs, dies. Samantha laughs first, so the farmer shoots her. Then Janet laughs and she gets killed too.
So they are floating out of their bodies, and Janet asks Samantha why she died. Samantha said that the thought of sticking a turnip up your ass was just too funny. Samantha then asked Janet why she laughed, Janet said: "I saw Rebecca coming around the corner with a watermelon!"
 
Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?"
The next day they went to the mother one at a time. The mother said tot he first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?" and the nun said "I stole a kid's bike." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water. When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.
The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water."
The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"
 

Q: How do you know you're at a gay picnic?
A: If the hotdogs have fudge on them

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. ''But officer,'' the man said, ''I can explain.''
''Just be quiet!!!'' snapped the officer. ''Or I'm going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back.''
''But officer, I just wanted to say...''
''And I said KEEP QUIET! Now you're going to jail!''
A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner and said, ''Lucky for you the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a great mood when he gets here.''
''Don't count on it,'' said the prisoner. ''I'm the groom.''

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The guy leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr-gerrrrr Kiiinnnggg."

One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, ''Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world.'' Then the toilet paper yells, "Think again buddy!"

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn't matter, he's not going to come anyway.

Q: What do a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce have in common?
A: Someone is going to lose a trailer.

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.
The redneck says, "I want my $20 million."
To which the man replied, "No sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.
The Redneck said, "I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it."
Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!''

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old guys were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.
The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."
"I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old man said.
The trooper, chuckling, explained to him that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the man grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out his error.
"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These guys seem awfully shaken."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute," the old man said. "We just got off Route 119."

How Golf is like Urinating in a Public Restroom 

10. Keep your back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
9. Form a loose grip.
8. Keep your head down.
7. Avoid a quick backswing.
6. Stay out of the water.
5. Try not to hit anybody.
4. If you are taking too long, you should let others go ahead of you.
3. You shouldn't stand directly in front of others.
2. Be quiet while others are about to go.
1. Keep strokes to a minimum.
 
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.

well im boared now!!!!cause my friend courtney was suppos to be sleepin ova but first she went to her moms friends house at 6:30pm and shes not home yet and its like 10:00pm ...i didnt no it takes 4and a half hours to eat 1 meal...lol...nvm shes on her way ova well ill update tomm. g2g bye bye love to all

just wanted to let yall no i am updatin lata

10 RANDOM THiNGS ABOUT ME

1. i just colored my hair blond

2. i have never seen a *"scary"* movie

3. i hate gettin beat up by ppl who obveousily dont like me!

4. i dont have many sleep-overs

5. i love crying to a sad song!!

6. i cant wait to have a family

7 THiNGS THAT ANNOY ME

7. bitches!!

6 PLACES THAT i'VE ViSiTED

3. go pee!!!!(lmfao)


2 THiNGS i'M TRYiNG NOT TO DO NOW

1. michael!!!

well i hope u liked my survey i tryed to hurry but ...lmbo ...aneyways,  im gonna go well, bye

~Denisha

  Rae!!~

  hey im soo tired .....NOT    n-e-wayz!!!

            i wish my journal writings were betta than they usually are!!!

            well monday i missed skool because i was sick!!!  tuesday, i went back to skool but i still didnt feel so good.  wednesday, i went to panther pallozza!!! it was sooooo much fun!!!!! first while we were wating in the classroom the teacher went to watch to see who was going up next so we were in the classroom alone......  angles... ...i think not, the lights were off half of the time! ppl were steelin candy from her basket!!! it was sooo awsum then someone sat on a roolie chair seat ... and when the lights were off the chair started to move when we turned the lights on ppl were layin in the floor we didnt want the teacher to see in the room so... off the lights flew!!! lmbo it was soo kool its was a night all of us will never forget!!friday ! thursday i went to a docters app. i wasent sick!!!  well friday i came home and hung out w/ hollyann and juliann on the trampolene and we played games w/ my lil bro dustin , hollyann was a spaceship, shark, cowboy's horse!!!!!...lmao well g2g dad says gotta get off well ill update tommorow or sumttin

bye ttyl

         love always,

                      Denisha

                              Rae